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Sunday, January 28, 2007
=)
Hmm...wanted to blog yesterday, but somehow after saving my blog entry on my cellphone, it rejected it, as an invalid file extension..don't ask me what that means..haha.. well, i got a little present for sydney..and i guess it'll make life easier for her!..there were a couple of times when her cell phone batt died on her, and once she had to buy a phone card to contact her friend because she couldn't get her phone to work..i got her a new battery, as well as this stand-alone battery charger..in this way, she can always have one back up battery in her bag, charged and ready to be used, in case the one in her phone goes "kapput!"..=)..also got her one of those little "fat-plug to skinny-plug" convertors, just in case her cell phone uses the older "fat-plug" chargers.. well, then i couldn't possibly just give it to her like that right?..so i went to buy a small box from Kalms, a ribbon from Art Friends, a miniature-card from Bookbinders, and this wooden "S" letter from this toy shop..it is shaped in the form of a clown, with his face on the middle part of the "S", and one of his palms on each of the ends of the letter..heh..looks pretty cute..together, i assembled it on everything, and i also have this "blue clothes hangar" made from wire, with 2 clips on it..i then clipped the box to the hangar..it looks pretty cute now, hope she likes it..the only thing now is, how am i gonna sneak it into her bag..i'm kinda hoping that after lecture today, i can "tongpang" her car back..i'm sure i can hang it somewhere..haha..=).. oh well, i've just reached school now..gotta go!.. Blogging on the go rawx! Cheers, damselfly
++ quoth dragonfly at 7:55 PM Saturday, January 27, 2007
Hmm..i'm standing along the river now..somehow this is a very beautiful place which i love..to me, it's filled with memories of sydney=)...it was one of the first few places we used to hang out..we used to meet along the river, then walk to great world, or zion road for supper..and i remember the time when we were together here, and she told me not to tell her sister that we were out together..that was when i was close to both of them, as platonic friends..though then wasn't the time when i started liking her, but nevertheless, it was a beautiful time which i love to re-visit in my dreams.. actually, here was also one of the places which have some memories of ai en..years back, there was once when we had some time to spare before her soccer practice at Teachers' Network..so i brought her here, and we went to explore one of the old shophouses..somehow i didn't feel frightened then..even though it was delapidated and full of cobwebs..etc.. as i was walking down, along the river just now, i noticed some parts which have not changed in the 6 yrs..some of the things which were here still remain..looking across the river, i see the place where sydney and i once unwittingly scared both ourselves, and ran not knowing why each other ran..i miss the times..on my left, i see our "Lang4 Man4 Qiao2"..a name we coined for this bridge..it's really beautiful..and sweet as these memories may be, i wish one day in the future, i would be able to bring sydney=) here again, and relive the happiness experienced in the past. twas also listening to a song by Kenny G..this song used to make me cry in the past, because it always reminded me of the 3 kids, whom i missed dearly when they were in Galmi..now that they're back, i'm really glad..and especially glad that now i'm close to all 3 of them..i still remember the bowling session in malaysia with the 3 kids..where Jabez would struggle to bring the 15pound ball to me after each time i bowled..that was so nice..well, i'm really thankful to God that each week i get to see them at least twice..and that right now, i'm looking forward to seeing them tomorrow, as opposed to in a few years.. well, i guess i've got to go home already..otherwise my old folks will get worried.. Forever In Love.. Damselfly
++ quoth dragonfly at 7:44 AM Wednesday, January 24, 2007
thoughts again?
Hmm..i just finished tuition..well, before tuition, i was just thinking about somethings..honestly, i've never really felt how it's like to be loved, besides a little when i was with ai en..somehow those little details are stuck in my mind...the times when i chatted with her on the phone till we fell asleep..i really miss those days..i feel quite like a loser sometimes..and i feel it's something that's within me, that makes people just not like me..i guess i scare girls away sometimes?.. was watching channel 8 yesterday at 9pm..the way "tian jun" handles his liking for the girl "zhenya" is just so cool..as in he's so cool-headed about it...not like me..i know i shd try to be like that, more "xiao1 sha3"...but it's somehow so not my pattern..and if you're saying to yourself that i should change, i know!..but....it's tough..hmm..haha..maybe you're right..i really must..well, i shall try..but then again, i will keep worrying.."what if sydney falls for someone else, and who likes her back?...what if she already has?"..sigh..i'm such a worrier.. hmm..i dunno if this is good or bad, but i know that if i get attached, i will definitely give my all into the relationship, and i will give my best for the girl, and in future, my family & my kids..i think i'm too old fashioned..maybe dinosaurs like me are just suppossed to be extinct...haha...hmm..sydney, you're the only girl i have ever liked so much, and i really feel so comfortable when i'm with u..but i doubt you feel the exact same way as me..sigh..what am i supposed to do?..are bad-guys really that much more attractive?..should i be a "bad-guy"?...God teach me manz... wouldn't you love me back a little? damselfly
++ quoth dragonfly at 6:34 AM Tuesday, January 23, 2007
just some thoughts again
Hmm..so many thoughts, which i can't tell anyone..first things, i'm feeling quite sad now..i don't really know exactly why, but i do know that it's because of sydney again...sometimes i really wonder if i should really wait, in the hope that perhaps someday she might like me back..is it foolish of me?..perhaps..but like i was telling audrey n jiajun, i really think that if sydney & i never ever get together, i'll just stay single.. honestly, i've never ever given so much of my time, my thoughts, my concern..etc to any other person..but sydney just doesn't seem to care...sometimes i really feel that to her, i'm worth even less then her other friends..i mean, it's 3 weeks into the sememster..i dunnoe what times she comes to school, what times she goes back, or even what modules she takes..(besides ps2246, which we take together)..furthermore, i din even know she would take ps2246..it's like when i asked her if we could do any modules together, she was like "haha..can't liao..i've finished all my level 2 modules"..then in the end she took together with her other friend..hmm.. i always remember the song my cell once sang for a wedding..it's extracted from first corinthians..Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it isn't blind. It is not selfish, nor is it rude..its sacrifice is not always understood...etc..hmm..what constitutes patience?..i've waited 6 yrs..is tt long enough?..sydney says she knows i'm sincere abt her, and one of the most patient..but so?..she just doesn't feel anything for me..sigh..i sometimes wish i had never ever started to have feelings for her...God, why did you put such pain in me?..this pain is sometimes just too much for me to bear..so many times i've had thoughts of suicide, just because i couldn't take the pain..i know it's a cowardly act, as well as a sin..but it's just too painful..God, when Jesus came down to earth, did He experience these too?..if God is Love, then why does God hurt me so much?..i really cannot comprehend..it's true that i've strayed away a lot from God..but sometimes i just cannot feel Him..i cannot feel the presence of love in this world..it's always so cold!..God, i'm freezing..show me some warmth please!!.. Oh, guess what made me sad again now?..it sounds stupid, but just now i tried calling sydney to share with her something interesting..then she couldn't talk, cos she was at the movies..n in my head, i started wondering who she went with..sounds dumb doesn't it?..sigh..i know that people always say that if you love someone, you should always just let her go..if she's yours, she will come back..but that is hard to do...sigh..jiajun also told me that i should just try to trust God's providence, and that God will show me the girl that is perfect for me...i believe in all of that, and more..it's just that all these concepts are hard to put into practice..
++ quoth dragonfly at 12:26 AM |